5 Ways To Stop Arguing With Your Spouse About Money. http://www.MarriageGuy.com/ -- 5 Ways To Stop Arguing With Your Spouse About Money
One of the things married couples fight over most often is money and finances…. In fact, a recent study found that this topic was the #1 cause of disagreements between married spouses. So, in this video, I’m going to talk about how to resolve arguments over money with your spouse.
I am, of course, the one and only Brad Browning… I’m a relationship and divorce coach from Vancouver, Canada. You can find out more about me and my best-selling Mend the Marriage program by visiting my website, MarriageGuy.com.
So, let’s talk about the 5 things you can and should be doing to reduce the amount of conflict you and your spouse are having over your finances.
#1 - Keep Your Cool
OK, now I know this is hardly ground-breaking, but staying calm and cool during any discussions with your partner about money is absolutely critical. If you find things getting heated, it’s best to step away and shut down the conversation until you can both return with cooler heads.
#2 - Be Open & Transparent
It’s very important to maintain an open and transparent policy when it comes to your finances. Keeping secrets or failing to share the details of your spending are going to undermine trust and lead to a toxic environment in your marriage in general, which is why it’s best to always remain transparent and ensure that both you and your spouse are on the same page.
#3 - Do It Together
This ties into my last point…. if only one partner is familiar with the bank accounts and details of your finances in general, then issues are far more likely to arise. Instead of just putting yourself or your spouse in charge of paying bills and balancing accounts, do it together and make sure you and your partner are both involved and understand your financial situation.
Simply put, when both you and your spouse are both informed about your finances, it’s be easier to see eye-to-eye. You can talk about upcoming large purchases or prioritize debts to pay off, and you can build a budget together, which brings me to my next point…
#4 - Create and Agree to a Budget
This is arguably the single best way to avoid arguments over money. Setting a budget means working out your monthly income, mandatory expenditures, debt repayments, and figuring out what’s left over to spend on non-essentials. This is especially important if one spouse tends to be the “spender” while the other is more of a “saver” and takes issue with what they see as their partner’s overspending.
When making your budget, it’s important that you do it together, and that you agree on a “discretionary spending limit”.... What that means is essentially that you and your spouse come up with a monetary figure that each of you is allowed to spend without having to ask the other partner first. So, for instance, maybe you agree that both you and your spouse can spend up to $100 without having to check with one another in advance… that way, your wife can buy that $80 pair of shoes she’s craving when they’re on sale, and you can invest in a round of golf that will cost you $90, without having to get your partner’s “OK” first. Any purchases over the set amount you agree on, of course, would require you to call up your spouse and get their approval before you make the purchase.
One reason why budgets are so helpful when it comes to avoiding arguments over finances is because they show to your spouse that you’re being considerate of their opinions and spending priorities. It also helps to keep both parties accountable to the budget you’ve agreed to. And of course, that means it’s critical that once you and your partner DO agree to a budget, that you stick to it.
#5 - Replace The Word “You” With “I”
If you’ve seen some of my other videos here on YouTube, then you’ll know that this is a tactic I recommend more generally when it comes to preventing or defusing arguments. By using the word “I” instead of “you”, you’re essentially removing the blame from your statements.
For example, instead of saying, “You never pay the bills on time!” you can say something like, “I think we should focus on paying our bills on time, can I help you with that?”
Or maybe instead of accusing your spouse of overspending by saying things like, “You always spend way too much money going out for drinks with your friends!” you can choose to phrase it more along the lines of, “I noticed you’ve been spending quite a lot on going out for drinks with your friends..."
*** More from Brad Browning: ***
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